To Love Another Person

wendydfolsom
Feb 21, 2023
3 min read

A couple months ago one of my children performed in their high school production of Les Miserables. I went many times. It is a beautiful story about the power of love to redeem and change the course of life. It moved me every time I saw it. You likely know the story: the hero, Jean Valjean, transgresses a law to save the life of a child and is condemned, vilified and marginalized by society. The course of his life changes when he is shown radical mercy by a priest who truly understands and exemplifies Christ's message to love and see Him in the "least of these." The Priest’s act of love invites Valjean to change his heart from anger, bitterness and resentment to tenderness, humility and love. He does change his heart and in turn shows mercy and love to others, transforming their lives. Even as we witness the mighty change in Valjean’s heart, we also witness a heart that does not change. Javert, a police inspector intent on tracking down Valjean and bringing him to “justice,” is given opportunity after opportunity to see the goodness in the man he hates, but he refuses. His worldview cannot conceive of someone he “knows” to be evil--a criminal and thief--being redeemed. In the end he dies rather than allow his heart to be softened.

In the research I have done with LDS parents of trans or gender diverse (TGD) children, I have heard story after story of mighty changes in heart wrought by love. Parents who had “known” that gender diversity is wrong and worthy of condemnation, vilification and marginalization listened to the Spirit, saw their children with love, and experienced a change of heart. It took time, and it was a painful process, full of questions, fears and internal conflict, just as it was for Valjean. But their transformation also impacted their children and others in beautiful, healing, redemptive ways.

Parents shared:

“I know God made [my child] this way for a reason. I believe part of that reason was to teach us to love like he does. I have learned and grown so much on this journey.”

“[Having a TGD child] is an opportunity . . . a calling to reach out and join Christ in ministering to ‘the least of these’ and be challenged and changed in the process. It is a brutal, beautiful invitation.”

“Once those barriers [of seeing gender diversity as immoral] were torn down, suddenly, I felt so much closer to the Savior. I began to understand so much more how perfect His love is. And there was nothing I would do to ever give up who I have become through this journey. It's been a humbling, tear-filled process. But in that process, there's been great quantities of tears of joy.”

“The things that [our child] . . . taught us have increased our level of knowledge and our level of understanding and truly Christlike love”

“When I got rid of my homophobia . . . [I saw] if I have a feeling like, of judgment towards another person, I am the one condemning myself. And I am the one separating myself from God, by separating myself from that person and saying . . . he's not right. . . I feel like my heart has just really been set free . . . And I'm just so grateful for that . . . I just feel so free, finally. It's just wonderful.”

“[I’m] not being as black and white as I used to. I used to have everything in neat boxes where my faith is concerned . . .but understanding [my child] . . . and accepting him has opened my eyes to much more beautiful parts of [life] than I ever imagined."

“To be the parent of an LGBT child, and somebody who is trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . in my mind [there’s] just . . . not a lot of difference in the fact that the child is LGBT . . . I am in need, absolute need of learning how to love a person.”